ruthdelacruz

October 19, 2011

Stressed.. Distressing.. Blogging..

I am sooo stressed/tired/sick.. I was looking forward to meeting up with my bloggie friends in Greenbelt this afternoon, BUT I WOKE UP LATE and totally missed it! When I checked my phone, I got unread messages. One asking if I would attend the meeting supposedly this afternoon to plan the Year-End Party. I missed it too, I got the call-in details, but I realized I was already 30 minutes late for the meeting, and was too sleepy to dial without anything else to consider, my mind just decided to go back to sleep!

I still wanted this blog post to look chic so I used this image from Jordi Labanda

Then I woke up and heard knocking on my door - my mom - she's my alarm clock! I was planning to leave the house early because I want to get to the office early, so I could go home early. BUT we had to make an important call and I wasted my time choosing what to wear in the office. I mean something that goes with my favorite shoes - flats/sandals. I got tired of wearing heeled shoes eversince we transferred to the new site. I always want to feel comfy. So I based my clothes on what kind of shoes I will wear - and I changed thrice tonight because I cannot decide what to wear. I felt that I don't have enough clothes! So I finally decided on lace top and skirt. I didn't even bother wearing accessories because I am just not in the mood today. My bag doesn't match my outfit too but I don't really care as long as I got everything I need inside.

Then commuting in the office is always a struggle. The only good thing about transferring to a new site is I get to appreciate the LRT2, and LRT1 too especially when attending events! But I still take a cab from LRT2 to the office because I hate walking (the only exercise I know!). I hate people who walk so slow (especially the ones in Recto! Taking their sweet time, making themselves targets of criminals). I hate those who look at me and give me once over (I want to poke their eyes!) - if we have already met, you know for a fact that I attract attention without trying hard. Sometimes, if I am really in the bad mood, I really ask people what the hell they are looking at? What I hate the most about commuting are those BBQ stalls! I hate the smell and the smoke were like dementors for me! I feel that the smell sticks on my hair!

I missed weekends!!!! Last Monday I was already missing the weekend! For how many weeks I had been attending events on a Saturday which left me only Sunday to rest (which I just actually spend to write blog posts!). I have been carefully selecting the events that I am attending now because events usually eat up my time and my finances! I usually spend at least Php500 when attending one event and although most of them are fun, educational and enlightening, I still feel it hurts my finances. It also means backlogs, and I hate backlogs because they remind me of deadlines and just stress me out the more. So I don't understand why some are so eager to attend events. I'd rather just stay home, and sleep or bond with my mom.

Speaking of money, my finance state is a mess! I checked my BDO credit card statement yesterday and I noticed they charged me Php700 plus for Finance Charge and Php300 something for Late Penalty. This was the first time I am charged because I failed to pay on time, because BDO banking was down for days, and I was too lazy to go to the bank (because I hate going to banks!) So I need to make a call and reconcile that amount. I hate doing calls, but I really have to note that in my to-do list.

And since I feel so stressed, I tend to eat alot of junk food. I know it is not healthy, my mom keeps on reminding me. I feel so unhealthy and "fat". My friends would always complain everytime they hear me complain about "how fat I feel". I don't mean to offend them or make them feel insecure. I know my body more than anyone else, and when I say "I am fat" - I am comparing myself with my old self. I just checked my waistline this morning and I was so surprised with the number I see! Some people would not understand when skinny/thin people like me complains about our body and "how fat we are". One blogger mom even commented "mukha kang two months na buntis". So I know it is not just me. I need to do some stretching and hit the gym. But I don't have time. I rather sleep, or eat, and eat alot. Grr..

There are times I no longer look forward to weekends, because my weekends are loaded too. Too loaded that my schedule/appointment/commitments for next week and coming weeks are already plotted in my planner. This Saturday my friend will have a party to celebrate her birthday. She has invited us ahead of time. I promised to be there because I missed her celebration last year. Then, there is this blog event that I already RSVPd. I have already declined a couple of invites for this weekend. All I want this weekend is to go home early after work, watch Eat Bulaga and just rest.

I got ten thousand other things to do like visit my dentist, get a haircut, hair treatment, skin treatment, etc.

Now I have to get back to work and finish my tasks because I will be on death row if I don't have anything to pass before the month ends. I am working on three projects (and most of the tasks I am not ever sure how to do - so I need to study, do research and collaborate), plus I am helping out the org to organize an event.  The least I wanted is a coworker (who is not even part of our team) complaining about her workload and all the other petty things in her life - work-related or not, announcing it to the whole floor as if anyone cares!


I feel so terrible when I should not feeling this. God has been so good to me and I receive, and receiving alot of blessings from Him - like an opportunity has just opened and I have the chance to get the job I soooo wanted. I feel that I have control of my life (somehow). But I honestly don't know what I need - maybe rest or enough sleep. I was just looking at some of our pictures from our China Trip (still a pending blog post) and I missed going on trips and exploring places. I miss traveling but that's not what I need now.

This post contains alot of negative vibes. It is not the most entertaining post I have ever published, but I just want to blog and distress.


How have you been?