ruthdelacruz

April 15, 2014

I Lost My Muse, Now I Want a Dog

My muse refused to talk to me the past week, I was not even sure if she even visited. I took the time to meet up with friends and reconnected with old souls. I chose not to cover events, and I let blogger take a rest.

I took my time, and I owned it. Social media consumed me that I felt the need to connect with friends.

It seems like a good decision after all. Last week, I made someone happy as we shared a plate of nachos and lemonade that the day seemed like a Friday. It was a post birthday celebration for her and we had a date. Well, everyday seems like a Friday to me, except that for four months, payday has been non-existent in my calendar. The better news, I don't hate Mondays as much.


And before Monday hit the calendar, I met up with my friends for an "emergency meet-up". This one rarely happens, and even though I am feeling a bit sore (from the Saturday event in Sandbox - separate blog post coming), I went out to meet them. Someone needed to rant over a disappointment. A disappointment that is worse than a break-up -a change that can affect his future. A few years ago, I was in the same situation as his. With every announcement and change that was implemented in the organization I was in, I became more resilient and accepting (and forgiving). It didn't occur to me that there are people who chain their future to what they have in the present. I wish I could just teach resilience. But there is no way for me to know what they have, and the least I can do is to listen to him - the same way he listened to my stories (even though he often negates the things I want to believe in - just because it is obvious - but just what like the movie American Hustle taught us, people believe what they want to believe). What can I tell him? He and his friends will still be friends even outside the organization, the same way that the three of us remained friends even after we took off our barista caps. 

While the conversation continued and started revolving around Jordan shoes, Vietnam travel, and Spotify,  I shared a glass of Mojito with him. Once again it felt like a Friday.


Friday is the common denominator of the three girls I met up with on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Friday was their last working day - and mine was a Monday. The four of us used to work together - well, they used to work together as part of the same team, while I was an adopted member. A year ago, things happened and people became emotional. For unknown reason, someone cut ties with me and I became a part of the whole drama (prolly because, I was an adopted member). I tried to reach out to the person but I got more than the dreaded seen note in Facebook messenger; she also unfriended me. I remember the entry I wrote here - and I thought probably I am just one of the many people she wanted to shut off in her life. To tell you honestly, I never felt that bad, or hated her. Probably because I never make big issues about friendship and relationship with my friends. High school days were so long ago, and I had let go of clingyness, cliques and the term bestfriend that probably hold us back to connecting with other people.

I know someday, somehow we would meet again, and I can just easily say hi and hello, and we would laugh again - and I would once again call her bibing.

That someday came in early last Sunday. The four of us shared a table in a coffee shop. It was the first time we actually sat down together (not confined in our cubicles) and although we talked about the same topics, we were glad that we talked about them in the past tense.

Three hours of talk and these three girls taught me three lessons. Bibing's story taught me that people will walk out of your life - that will happen to anyone. Chase them once, then give them time. If they want you in their lives, they will reconnect with you. Don't waste your time chasing people, use it to build new relationships. 

Aya's story is more about the chronicles of a cheater. If you were in a situation when your guy cheated on you, and you were the very reason why he did so, would you forgive him? I remember a conversation with a friend when he said that when a guy had sex with another girl just because that is something that his girlfriend cannot give, that doesn't qualify as cheating because what the guy seeks is something that he cannot get in a relationship. While I still believe that sex making love is the highest form of expressing love, I realized that it was not doing it with someone that is the ultimate form of cheating but falling for another guy/girl even without getting physical. 

While Beanie's story taught me.. well, just to trust my instinct. :) She is one of the many anti-social media friends I have, but she is so dear, I love her to bits - including her occasional rants. ;)

Joining our table was Mogli, Aya's bestfriend - a rottweiler who weighs more and stands taller than his owner. Have I previously mentioned that I am afraid of dogs? Especially after I found out last Sunday that my anti-rabies shot had worn off (I didn't know I have to get booster shot annually!). 

Anyway, Mogli seems like a very nice dog - very well-behaved and sweet - that even the sweet little kitty-zen in UP Ayala got curious of him. I wish I could also get rowdy and rough with dogs, but all I can do Mogli that night is a nervous hello. I am not sure if he understands my language,  but I know for sure he sensed that I was afraid of him and he liked it somehow, that he loved looking at me and smelling my stuff. Mogli is like a guy that makes you even more conscious because he knows you have an effect on him. While I know someone already owns him, what I can only offer is friendship. ;)


I am still trying to convince my mom to get a pet, but I think I need to convince myself more. I know how I easily get attached to things. Although a dog can give me love, loyalty and confidence, I don't think I am ready for a "new relationship". Or maybe, I am. I just prolly refuse to accept I need it.



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If you are reading this post somewhere, it is originally written by Ruth and published in www.ruthdelacruz.com.