Well, I guess it is okay to be lazy and feel lonely. Sometimes.
It is a weird feeling when I realize that even the things that usually excite me, no longer give me that rush of elation. It is an odd feeling. I have more reasons to be inspired and to keep going and to be passionate.
And here I am, allowing myself to be lazy.
I disappointed the voice (my own voice) that always inspire me. I always knew how to handle these thoughts in my head – that all I needed to do is to focus on the goals – but now I know the best way to face this is to allow the thoughts to consume me. I am allowing myself to be lazy. And lonely.
I refused to deal with things or people, or drama. I became apathetic and sometimes b*tchy to even the people who are close to me. I delayed making decisions. I refused to face issues and problems (like my broken and corrupted external drive – okay, I can’t deal with it right now).
I just want to be in my own universe. I feel that I don’t want to be in anyone’s universe.
I never bother friends over my life’s trivialities. I always know I got my sh*t together. I have more reasons to be happy and content about my life than the people I see in the news (and news feed) everyday. My friend once told me that I am blessed and favored, and that I get all the things that I want in life.
Living by the mantra #WhatRuthWantsRuthGets
At this point, I still don’t understand why I am in this phase and why I am drowning myself with these thoughts and feelings.
I guess, it is really okay to feel lazy and sad.
More often, we seek happiness and we refuse to feel sadness. I realized that I feel distant to the people around me when I feel it. I just want to be on my own.
If you are in the same situation as I am, what you are feeling is valid. It is okay to push the pause button in your life. Just be in your own universe. Turn off social media. Do not force yourself to do fun things. Maybe do things that make you feel light – even if it means consuming more junk food and staying at home to watch Netflix. At times you would feel that you are just wasting your time, own it. Be lazy. Maybe cry. Just feel. Ask for a hug. Pray.
Follow me @ruthilicious
Emotions come in circles – and after you let yourself to feel lonely, you will feel better. A lot better.
Thank you for sticking around. It makes me happy to see familiar names commenting and following my adventures and misadventures. 😊
If you feel the need to express your emotions, you can use the comment box below. 💓